Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Almost as if I had to ask for forgiveness

There are times when one would like to become as insignificant as a water drop in the ocean, as forgettable as tears in rain. The subtle, thin thread that connects us with reality, with our environment, suddenly breaks apart. We are then out of phase, living in a completely different world in which things and people do not react as expected. Maybe we are to blame for everyone else's problems; maybe our displacement is annoying to others. In any case we are temporarily misfit.

It is in those particular times when I almost feel as if I had to ask for forgiveness for the mere fact of existing. Sometimes things are bound to follow a particular course of events, and that leads to mental cul-de-sac situations when no other action than waiting is possible.

Someone once told me nobody wants to die. While arguable, I cannot avoid rephrasing the idea: is there people who do not want to live anymore? What happens to people whose lives never lived up to their expectations?

Maybe I should be writing about perfectionist ideas instead. I'll leave that for another post.


  1. I'm afraid we will talk a lot about this subject.

    We are indeed little water drops in the ocean, I feel this way everyday. I don't know if it gonna help you, I don't think you've to "ask for forgiveness", I truly thanks "fate" for putting you on my "life line", I'm glad you exist, and I'm happy to work with you. Don't "ask for forgiveness", at least, at me.

    Loosing the hungry for living is possible, and is probably the worst thing that can happen to a human being.

    "Stay hungry, stay foolish".

  2. I love the beginning of this post!! Beautifully written.

  3. So many times I have felt this forgiveness ... Specialy lately as a relationship did not work out. When someone you loved leaves you, you feel worthless but in other not to be one of those people who cuestions live I have to believe things will get better. And that everything happens for a reason, even our existance.

    You, for instance, chear me up when you think my writing is good.
    So lets try to be hungry :-)

  4. I would really like to thank you all for your comments. It is somewhat comforting to know there are people who understand this feeling.

    Amonute, I found an interesting point in your post. While I agree on the fact that everything in our lives happens as a consequence of something, I do not think there is always a predefined 'goal'. Therefore if something went wrong, it might be a consequence of our -or somebody else's actions, but I do not believe that going wrong served any purpose.

    Fortunately following Steve Jobs' advice and staying hungry and foolish is not that difficult. I act foolishly all the time, so that is not a problem at all. Regarding hunger for life, it is not easy to completely lose it either. Somehow the belief that it can all get better helps us keep on struggling.

    I really wonder whether our happiness depends on our own definition of happiness. Maybe if one is willing to assume he/she can achieve happiness without the love of others, then the lack of 'lust for life' disappears. But then, what would be the point of living in a 'false happiness'?

    Using your words, Gustavo, I am really glad fate put you both in my lifeline. It is solacing to know I can talk with you about thinks which go far beyond work.

    Thank you!